Final Fantasy VII: Office Supplies
by Zhangman's Shadow
Summary: A dark force looms on the horizon...more importantly, Cloud's bad monday, Cid's smoking ban, Aeris with power tools, Tifa vs. the copier, Sephiroth hums in the elevator, Rufus's new door, Barret conspires, Vincent's disgruntled, and Reno's late...again
1. Another day at the office

Disclaimer: I don't own Final Fantasy VII or its characters...

A/N: When I first started out writing, not too long ago...but seemingly long enough to start out this paragraph with, I silently swore to myself that I wouldn't do any non-game/movie canon fics (at least to the point of staying in character and having the characters do what they normally do...you know, kill baddies, save the world, etc...). So, we can all see now how well I adhered to that promise. I thought I'd give humor a try, and while killing baddies and saving the world is awesome, it just doesn't come off as humorous...rightly so, I suppose. This happened to be the idea flitting through my mind at the time...set in an office; each of our favorite FF7 characters will have their own little intertwining stories dedicated to them doing everything except what they're supposed to be doing! Well, all I can say is here goes and if you'd kindly tell me to either keep it up...or get your sorry bleep back to the action/adventure stuff already! Thanks...

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**Another Day at the Office...**

_Bleeeeeeeeeep...Bleeeeeeeeeep...Bleeeeeeeeeep..._

There was something horrible happening in Cloud Strife's room this morning. Something that made the young blonde man grit his teeth and tightly shut his eyes, something that happened all too often for his liking. Yes, he'd gotten just about no sleep last night. Yes, the alarm clock wailed plaintively in his ears. Yes, it was Monday morning.

_Bleeeeeeeeeep...SLAM!_

"There, that ought to teach that little, electronic, sonnova---"

_Mental note #1: Get less annoying alarm clock._

_Bleeeeeeeeeep..._

"What! ARGH!"

_Mental note #2: Take better aim when attacking alarm clock._

_SLAM!...Bleeeeeeeeeep...SLAM! SLAM! SLAM!_

"OWWW!"

_Mental note #3: Open eyes when trying to kill alarm clock...side note: Never EVER put keys next to alarm clock again..._

Cloud grimaced and retreated from his assault upon the alarm clock. The thing obviously had it in for him anyway. Sighing, he got up and rubbed his eyes, trying ineffectively to banish the grogginess that plagued him. A shower would help...yes, it would definitely help. Decision made, he stood and trudged towards the bathroom, his brilliant blue eyes still drifting closed and his mouth wide open, emitting a fearsome yawn.

_WHACK!_

As if the pesky clock and the ill-placed keys weren't enough, the closed bathroom door...matter-of-factly letting his nose know it was still shut...confirmed it. It was Monday...and it was going to be Monday ALL day long...

...some time later...

The wind whipped through his unusually spiky blonde hair as he sped down the highway that would take him to work. He didn't care if it was messed up, in fact he took great pride in it's gravity-defying stance...to the dismay of his superiors. _Hah!_ He laughed mentally at the thought, they'd asked him repeatedly to do something about his golden hair. _It'd never stay down anyway...I know, I've tried!_ Spying his turn-off, he angled his motorcycle, a specially modified Fenrir-class vehicle, and swerved into the office's parking lot.

After parking and jogging up the few steps to the front revolving doors of his office, Cloud took a minute to steel himself for the inevitable barrage to come. He knew as soon as he reached his desk that things would come crashing down into his lap...things he would rather avoid at all costs. As a matter of fact---

_WHUMP!_

"Oops...sorry buddy, you know...it's kinda impolite to stand in front of the door too long, especially when a guy is an hour late...oh hey Cloud!"

Cloud managed to peel himself off of the office's cement wall only to be clapped on the back hard enough to send him back into it. "Re..._urk_...Reno!" He turned about and glared into his red-headed co-worker's eyes. Reno didn't exactly work with Cloud, being on the security team, while Cloud was one of the managers of transportation for the corporation...but he was close enough.

"What? Can't a guy say hello?" Reno's already large grin became almost inhumanly huge. "Love to stay and talk, man, but like I said I'm la---"

"Ahem..." Another voice interrupted Reno, coming from the front doors.

Cloud and Reno both turned to see a large, well dressed, black man standing silently, but obviously glaring at Reno from behind a pair of sunglasses.

"Oh...heh heh, hey Rude, you know...the funniest thing happened this morning, you see my cat..." Reno held up his hands, preparing to provide exact hand gestures for the story.

Rude simply turned back to go inside, shaking his head and stating. "You don't have a cat..."

Reno stopped open mouthed. Then he shut it with an audible click, turned to Cloud and shrugged. "Can't blame me for trying...!" He promptly turned then and followed his partner through the revolving doors.

Cloud shook his head and passed through the doors into the main lobby. _Ah...I never get tired of the sight._ He thought sarcastically as the giant ShinRa sign entered his view. It was largely metal and wood, with the ShinRa insignia displayed proudly with the bold caption: We Connect You To The World! Cloud started to walk forward again, still muttering and shaking his head, when a finger poking into his chest stopped him.

"You alright? Your head looks like it's on looser than normal today! I mean, it hasn't stopped shaking since you've walked in the door..." The hand connected to the finger then moved up the side of his face, while it's partner moved over to the opposite side. The slim and deceptively strong hands, along with Cloud's initial shock at the encounter immediately stopped his head's movement.

Cloud tilted his head up far enough to take in the face of the person he already knew was talking. No one else possessed that high, mocking voice. "Yuffie..."

Her bright eyes moved closer to his, as she leaned in, standing up to the fullest of her diminutive stature. "Just making sure, Mr. Strife... You sure it doesn't need any tightening?"

He put on the most disparaging face he could sum up, which was surprisingly easy...considering how his day was going. It wasn't that he didn't like Reno or Yuffie; it was just that he got along with them better on days that didn't end in "y". _Ok...they're nice enough people...but I don't know how they can both be this chipper on a Monday..._ "Yuffie, it's about as secured as it's going to get on me...now, if you would kindly---"

_Briiiiing! Briiiiing!_

"Oh...that's the phone...I'll see yah laters Cloud!" Yuffie sprung from her spot and almost flew into the receptionist's desk. She was an intern here, all the way from Wutai...so she claimed...then again, she also claimed that she was training to be a ninja and was a princess...

Cloud was just about to shake his head, when he remembered that he'd been doing that a bit too much recently. Better to not addle the few parts of his brain that were actually functioning now. He'd get better, just after he got to his desk, and a few more hours of sleep...

...You don't really want me to tell you about his ascent in the elevator and the cool synthesized music that accompanied his trip, now do you?...

Cloud exited the elevator and made his way through the maze of offices on his floor, quietly humming the music he had heard over the elevator's loudspeaker. He could've sworn he'd heard that particular song before, he just couldn't place it... _Maybe from a game I've played before?_ He dismissed the thought as he reached his office he shared with his co-manager. Literally plopping into his seat, he took a deep breath and contemplated whether to turn on the computer or put his head on the desk and close his eyes. He glanced over at the other desk in the room...seeing it empty of his partner, he promptly put his plan into action. In a swift move he kicked his feet up and leaned as far back as he could in his chair. _Ahhh..._ Now this wasn't so bad...maybe he could just do this for only a little bit and...and...

"STRIFE!"

The sudden outburst brought him flying upward, which caused two things to happen. His chair went backward and his body went the opposite way. Rufus Shinra winced as the chair disappeared under the desk and then Cloud followed it, after a short flight and frantic effort to regain his feet. Then a brief, yet violent scuffle ensued, followed by Cloud's second attempt to stand up. The desk made sure this was impossible as Rufus heard a loud bang followed by an infuriated yell from Cloud. Finally, clutching his head and slowly appearing back in view, Cloud stood to face the Vice-President of ShinRa Electric Co.

"You...um, sir...if you'd just knock next time..." Cloud said slowly.

"I did...twice..." Rufus said calmly. "Two things, Strife..." He paused, then resumed. "..._Three_ things, Strife: One, a convoy of our trucks broke down just outside of Sector 5. You'll need to find out what happened there. Secondly, it's First Tri-mester inventory time again...you know what that means..."

Cloud nodded and groaned silently, he'd forgotten about that...

"And finally..." Rufus sighed. "Cloud, you're one of the best managers we have...but that doesn't exempt you from company policies regarding presentable dress..."

See! He knew it was coming!

"...Do something about the hair..." Rufus turned to leave as he said this, exiting without a backward glance.

Cloud just about collapsed into his chair again, barely remembering in time that it wasn't where it was supposed to be. Bringing it back into a righted position, he fell into it and reached over to turn his computer on. The screen blinked on and his work screen loaded. "78 New Messages!" Blinked repeatedly on his screen. Cloud rested his elbow on the desk and put his chin on the upraised fist. Yep...

_WHAP!_

Something small bounced off the bridge of his nose. Something small and rubbery...

_WHAP! WHAP!_

Two more missiles struck him, one in the shoulder, and one in his ear. Cloud whirled around._ Zack! When did he get here?_ Sure enough, there was his partner, nearly doubled over in laughter, and obviously all because of the look on Cloud's face. "He...HEY!" Cloud began. "Zack! When did you show up?"

"Some time between...HA HA..." Zack launched into another fit of laughter. "Some time in between your...uh..._meditational _snoring..." Still red-faced from all the laughter, he nevertheless started to ready a couple more rubber bands.

Cloud merely grumbled under his breath and turned back to his computer screen. "If you launch those, I'm going to make sure you regret it forever..."

Zack set the rubber bands down. "Aw, c'mon Cloud...just a little joke." He looked around for a moment. "Hey...how about I launch them at Gerald? He's always a good laugh!" the dark haired man stood up, ready to fire.

Cloud rolled his eyes. He cared for his partner...although he'd never admit it...like a brother, but sometimes... Just then a shout erupted from across the hall and Zack leapt back into his chair. Gerald, a middle-aged man in an expensive suit appeared, blustering, in the doorway. Cloud turned around only to see that Gerald's glare was specifically towards him, and Zack was grinning maniacally on the other side of the office, pointing all the while in Cloud's direction.

...this one skips over the unseemly things Gerald has to say about our man, Cloud. Yeesh, that guy is troubled...

Gerald's words only half registering in Cloud's mind, the only thing he could think about was the surprisingly clear picture of himself wielding a incredibly large sword and using it to, well, refute Gerald's general opinion about him and his lineage. He wouldn't mind later using it on his so-called friend Zack, either... _Yes, it's certainly Monday...just another day at the office..._

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To be continued? Well, all you have a say in that. So, if you'd kindly...

_Please review..._


	2. A Little Trash Talk

Disclaimer: I don't own Final Fantasy VII...and it's probably good I don't!

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**A Little Trash Talk**

'Work getting you down?...we have the solution!'

"I wish..."

_Click...DELETED!_

'HoT N sPiCy WAITING FOR U!'

"For the fifth time, get out of here!"

_Click...DELETED!_

'Do you and your horse have a loving relationship? Special---'

"What! Yeesh, I hate spam..."

_Click...DELETED!_

Cloud sighed and sat back in his chair, he'd been here a half hour already and done nothing but gotten shoved, his head checked, woken up and yelled at, pelted by rubber bands, yelled at again for something that wasn't even his fault, and checked his emails. Ah, you had to love it...

_Bing..._

'One new email from: Zack.'

"Huh? Guess I'd better check it..."

'FWD: Do you and your horse have a loving relationship? Special new---'

"ZACK!"

"What?"

"Stop sending me this junk!"

"What?" the dark haired man could barely contain his laughter. "I could help but notice that you and your horse need some good advice..."

If Cloud's eyes could kill, Zack would no longer exist. "I...DON'T...HAVE...A...HORSE..."

Zack shrugged. "My bad!"

Cloud's searched his desk frantically for something to kill his friend with, seeing as his eyes weren't doing the trick.

Zack took this opportunity to bolt out of the door to their office.

* * *

He honestly didn't know why Cloud was so riled up, the poor guy was going to have a heart attack if he didn't settle down a bit. _I couldn't possibly be the rubber bands or the email I sent him...could it?_ Zack shrugged it off, Cloud was one of his best friends...he'd get over it! 

A loud scuffling sound, followed by an anguished cry reminded Zack of the fact that he'd also rigged Cloud's desk drawer to fall open if he moved his chair too much. _Perhaps I'll take longer walk than I had planned originally._ Poor guy, that Cloud, he hated Mondays...which is probably why Zack chose to pull all his pranks on Mondays to cheer him up. Zack, to say the least, was having a fine Monday...

"Zack!" A voice came from across the hall.

_So much for that..._ Zack cringed inwardly. There were only three things that frightened him in the entire world. Cloud without his morning coffee...maybe that's why he's mad?..., angry bees...oh c'mon, who isn't going to run from that!..., and the Security Chief for the entire building... He winced and turned around to face a pair of almost glowing green eyes. "Ah...Sephiroth, nice to see you, well, it was nice to talk at you but I fear you've probably got someone to go track down and discipline for breaching security measures, so I'll just leave you to---"

"As it happens, I've found him..." stated Sephiroth, obviously not impressed with the speed with which Zack rambled off the former.

"Oh...I see..." Said considerably more slowly.

"You are in violation of section 145-C, sub-section 28, clause A." Sephiroth's eyes narrowed dangerously and a small smirk appeared on his lips. "And I fully intend to engage in afore mentioned discipline..."

The way he had said that last word made Zack sincerely glad he had written up a will not too long ago.

"Employees..." Sephiroth started

Zack winced.

"Shouldn't..."

Zack tried to remember if he had any gods to pray to.

"LITTER!" Sephiroth shoved the crumpled breakfast sandwich wrapper, that Zack had indeed carelessly discarded earlier, directly at the dark haired man's face.

Zack hesitantly took the wrapper from Sephiroth's outstretched hand.

"Now then..." Sephiroth pointed at the nearest waste basket. "Throw it away!" Giving a final glare Zack's way, the Security Chief whirled and strode away.

Zack looked at the disappearing form of Sephiroth, peered at the waste basket, glanced at the wrapper in his hands, and decided he'd give it to Cloud when he got back to the office...

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"LITTER!" Echoed down the hallway into the office smartly marked: Reeve Tuesti. The man sitting behind the desk inside the office barely glanced up at the outburst before carefully going back to work. 

"One more paper clip..." he muttered under his breath as he snaked his arms around the newly formed contraption sitting upon his desk. A soft grunt accompanied his sliding the paper clip into it's proper place. "Yes, that's it." Reeve leaned back to admire his work, even as another person entered his office.

"Reeve, I need yah to go over these here..." the newcomer paused to scratch his blonde hair when he noticed what Reeve had been working on for the past two and a half hours. "Uh...what's that?"

"Oh, Cid!" Reeve gestured excitedly to the contraption. "Watch!" He reached over and grabbed a stack of papers from the growing pile on the corner of his desk. "You take the paper and feed them in here..." He put them in a small tray. "Which in turn, runs the weight displacement unit..." A stapler, attached to a string of paperclips, was tugged out of its securing place, sending the paper tray floating upwards and off to the side. "Then, as it reaches its destination..." The tray locked into place then tipped, sending the papers down a chute concocted of tape and more paper. "It ends up right where it should be!" Reeve finished, pointing triumphantly at the paper's ultimate destination: the folder labeled "Finished Projects".

Cid could only stare quizzically at the oddly built array of office supplies. "Uh Reeve...you realize that you actually have to _finish_ these projects before they go in there?"

Reeve sighed. "Yeah, I have yet to construct something to take care of that..."

Cid shook his head, placing the papers he held in his hands onto Reeve desk. "Huh...well, what's this?" He reached out to poke at a bunch of pens linked together.

Reeve lunged forward. "No! Don't touch tha---"

Soon afterwards the office exploded into flying pens, papers, and paperclips...

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A/N: A grand thank you to all those who reviewed! And DemonSurfer, I can only hope that this one made you chuckle a bit more...if not, well, I'm sure I can get Vincent to say "cabbage" somewhere along the line... 

_Please review..._


	3. When Smokes Go Bad

Disclaimer: Can you imagine me owning the Final Fantasy VII crew? Nah, I can't either...

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**When Smokes Go Bad...**

Cid Highwind dragged his hands through his short blonde hair for the millionth time while walking down the hallway towards his office.

"Ow!...!#$! Reeve..." He paused to look at the newly found paperclip and sighed. He then continued walking, placing the small metal object into his pocket with the growing pile of other paperclips he had found throughout his clothing and hair after the explosion that had happened moments ago in Reeve's office. Reaching his office, he walked in and shut the door. All he had wanted was an uneventful day where he could sit back and take things at his own pace. _...and_ He thought with a small smile_ if taking things at my own pace included a nap here and there...well, it happens..._ He glanced around the office and his gaze centered on a small box sitting on his desk._ #&$!, I could use one of those right now..._ He started to reach for the pack of cigarettes when another voice entered his head.

...Brace yourself, flashback in 3...2...1...

_"You pick up another one of those filthy things again, I'm picking up my packed bags, Cid Highwind!" Shera glared at his still lit lighter, halfway to the smoke dangling from his lips._

_"But...baby..." Cid looked plaintively back at her._

_"No buts...literally!" She crossed her arms and he dropped his to his sides, noticeably drooping his shoulders in the process._

_"Shera, hon...I NEED these..." Cid held up the pack. "They...they..."_

_"Cid, do you need me?" She fixed The Glare upon him._

_Cid slapped a hand to his forehead, gritting his teeth. "Yes..."_

That wasn't so tough now, was it?...

He knew the argument was over before it had started, and yes, Shera was the best thing that had happened to him in a long while, but...

He pulled his gaze away from the cigarettes and on to the computer screen._ Maybe if I ignore the stupid things..._ He fought valiantly, but suddenly his hands were away from the keyboard and his eyes were again fixed on the pack on his desk. "Maybe just one..." He muttered under his breath.

_"You know you want to."_ The cigarettes seemed to say back to him.

"But Shera'll kill me..." He complained.

_"Not smoking'll get to you quicker, eh?"_ It countered.

"I've got work to do..." He attempted to brush it aside, but his hand stopped just short.

_"After a quick puff or two, you can get to work...c'mon..."_ His other hand reached to pick the pack up, but it too stopped short.

"What the !$#!, since when does something control Cid Highwind!" He picked up the pack and threw it against the far wall, where it fell into a seldom used chair.

_"Ok, that hurt..."_ It glared at him indignantly.

"Shut up..." He muttered, turning towards the computer.

_"You're going to give in sooner or later..."_ It said in a sing-song voice.

"Not today I won't..." He gritted his teeth.

_"But tomorrow you will."_ It sounded rather smug.

"No way...now shut up!" He threw it the deadliest glare he could muster, the small potted plants in the room withered a little, but it had no effect on the somewhat crumpled, coercive box.

_"You could glare better with me, than at me..."_ He could swear the thing was smiling.

"I ain't touching you any more...you're crazy!" He slammed his palms down on the desk.

_"I'm crazy?" _It sounded incredulous._ "You're the one talking to a pack of cigarettes!"_

Cid's retort died, the thing had a point...he was talking to a pack of cigarettes...

_"Yeah...you really need a smoke..."_

"That does it!" Cid stood up, knocking the chair backwards. "You just had to throw that in!" He stormed over to the small box and picked it up, crushing it in a vice-like grip.

_"Can't...breathe..."_

"You're a #!$!-ing pack of cigarettes!"

_"Ok, so you win that, but I still think..."_

Cid threw the pack to the floor and stomped on it.

_"Ok, now was that REALLY necessary?!"_

He stomped on it again.

_"You know..."_

STOMP!

_"If I had feet..."_

STOMP! STOMP!

_"I'd be doing the same thing to you!"_

Cid sat down, breathing heavily into the chair by the door that the pack had just vacated.

_"You know what I think you need..."_

In a swift movement, Cid picked the pack up and threw it into the trash forcefully, accompanied by a small yell.

_"Ok..."_ the voice rang hollowly from the can._ "We'll talk about this tomorrow..."_

Cid was about to reply, but the door swung open and he was met by startling green eyes. "Uh..." was all he could muster at the moment.

The eyes blinked and a soft giggle drifted to his ears. Cid knew of only one person who possessed those eyes and that giggle.

"I'm glad to see you've finally taken control of your habit, Cid!" Aeris, Senior Manager of human resources for ShinRa's Midgar office, straightened and marched over to the trash can. Peering in, she nodded and pointed at the newly deposited pack of cigarettes. "...and stay in there!" She said with mock forcefulness.

_"Just you try and make me..."_ Cid could swear he heard the thing say.

But Aeris was already sitting down next to Cid and complimenting him on his hard work towards a tough goal. _Gah..._ Cid was too tired to even curse. He closed his eyes, ready for a nap. _...I need a smoke... _

His eyes snapped open as he realized what he just thought.

"Cid?" Aeris looked at him with concern as he promptly smacked himself in the forehead.

...Insert Intermission Music here:...

Cloud sat at his desk, reading diligently. Or rather, as he fingered the comic book inside the 1,500 page Manager's Guide to Transportation Services, reading what he wanted to diligently. The door to the office swung open and Zack walked in.

"Ha! You should've seen this...OOF!" Zack's greeting was cut short by the Manager's Guide to Transportation Services connecting solidly with his stomach. He glanced at Cloud, slightly apologetic. "Hey now, rules are rules...and there's absolutely no heavy reading for me before..." He glanced at the clock. "...half an hour from now."

"That was for the rubber bands, I'd watch out for any rigged drawers, if I were you." Cloud looked skeptical. "and Lunch time's in a half hour..."

Zack nodded and gingerly gave the book back to his friend, hoping it wouldn't be returned forcefully. "Can't read on an empty stomach..."

Cloud pointed at Zack's hand. "Your stomach's not empty, you just had a breakfast sandwich..."

Zack sat down in his chair. "There, my friend, you are wrong..." He glanced at the open door, thinking quickly. "I just had a breakfast sandwich delivered to me."

Cloud's face screwed up in confusion.

Zack nodded, leaning forward. "...Not only that, but it was given to me by Sephiroth..."

"Sephiroth gave you...a breakfast sandwich?" If Cloud could be any more confused, he'd like to know how it was possible.

"Yup...just dropped this...err..._an_ empty wrapper on the ground, and suddenly he was there, service with a smile!" Zack waved grandly with his arms.

Cloud now knew how it was possible to be more confused...Sephiroth knew how to smile?

"See, now watch!" Zack threw the wrapper on the ground outside the office. "So when he shows up...claim the wrapper as yours...and the free sandwich is yours!"

They both stared at the wrapper sitting motionless on the ground.

...This goes on for a while...

Cloud's phone rang, startling both of them out of their vigilant stare at the piece of trash in the hallway. Blinking rapidly for a moment, Cloud picked up. "Hello?"

"..."

Cloud heard a soft rasp on the other end. He tried again. "Hello?"

"..."

Zack leaned over, curious as Cloud narrowed his eyes. "Who is this?"

"..."

Cloud shook his head. "Alright, I'm hanging up now..." He moved to set the receiver back in its cradle.

"Cloud wait... There's something you must see..." The voice came softly but clearly over the line.

"Vincent? Is that you?" Cloud put the phone back up to his ear.

Zack started to come over to lean on Cloud's desk and listen in, but a movement in the doorway caught his attention. He gulped audibly as he found deadly green eyes staring back at him. _Whoa...he came out of nowhere...how'd he do that?_

Sephiroth held up the wrapper in his hand, cocking an eyebrow in the process.

Zack pointed at Cloud.

Sephiroth pointed at Zack. "We've got some company policies to...discuss...Zack." Motioning all the while for Zack to follow, Sephiroth turned and stepped back from the doorway.

Zack wondered if Cloud had things right hating Mondays after all...

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A/N: Sorry this chapter took a while, I really kind of wanted to get farther on my other story: Live to Fight Again...if you haven't read it and like action, give it a try! (alright, so I've got to get my advertising in somewhere...)...so I took forever in updating this one...not to worry, though, more still to come, and hopefully sooner than this chapter did! 

_Please review..._


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